Why Marry Jewish?

April 28, 2013

by Jack Abramowitz Why Marry Jewish

Why should anyone in today’s society care about marrying Jewish? Nowadays, a smoker marrying a non-smoker or a vegetarian marrying a carnivore is likely to raise more eyebrows than a Jew marrying a non-Jew. After all, isn’t anyone who refuses to interdate, and potentially intermarry, elitist? Or worse, aren’t they racist?
Friends and relatives hoping to dissuade intermarriage may give a variety of reasons: Jewish continuity; the prohibition against marrying out of the faith, as outlined in Deuteronomy, chapter 7; what would Bubby say?, et cetera.

Unfortunately, while these arguments may be quite compelling to the giver, the average person contemplating intermarriage doesn’t really care about Jewish continuity; Deuteronomy, chapter 7 or what Bubby would say, et cetera. Anyone seriously at risk of intermarriage is not likely to be swayed by someone quoting Rambam. (Would that it were that simple!) That’s why Doron Kornbluth is here to help.

Kornbluth is an author whose works on modern Jewish thought may already be familiar to readers. In addition to articles he has authored, Kornbluth edited Jewish Matters and co-edited Jewish Women Speak about Jewish Matters (with his wife, Sarah Tikvah Kornbluth). The genius behind Kornbluth’s approach here is that he doesn’t try to appeal to any particular sense of Jewish community (which is unlikely to be successful), or worse, Jewish guilt (which is undoubtedly doomed to failure). Rather, he takes the approach of “what’s in it for me?” demonstrating the potential repercussions intermarriage could have upon the intermarried themselves.

An example of Kornbluth’s approach at work: An argument that could be presented by someone contemplating intermarriage is the very basic question, “What difference does intermarriage make if neither partner is observant in their respective faiths?” With a simple word-association quiz, Kornbluth shows how even Jews who consider themselves unaffiliated may possess “innate negative reactions to much Christian imagery.” The same imagery, of course, may hold very positive connotations for their potential spouses. This exercise reveals some very strong, diametrically opposed emotional reactions that a couple might otherwise not discover until triggered by some event later in life. Baptizing a child, for example, can be very distasteful even to an unaffiliated Jew, but it may not be a topic of conversation until the couple is expecting.

This is by no means the only arrow in Kornbluth’s quiver. In another section, he Read the rest of this entry »